Because I do not fear fate or learn from experience, I seem to continue to invite disaster upon myself. This week I caught myself thinking, “Emmy Lou and Stax have really been low-key this week. I don’t really have any stories to tell about them.” This set off some sort of alarm in my animal’s highly developed foolish owner radar, and they immediately set about creating all sorts of havoc.
Emmy Lou has continued her reign of terror by sitting upon or lounging across items May Lee and I are currently trying to use. We have both received small yet painful puncture wounds as a result of attempting to retrieve our items from beneath that cursed animal. But it is not only the two of us that have been on the receiving end of her hostile attitude. When the pleasantly outgoing and super friendly pizza man came bearing the large pepperoni and black olive pizza that May Lee and I adore, the cat proceeded to hiss and spit at him as if he were delivering a box full of snakes or trying to baptize her with fire and water.
During most of this time, Stax had been a complete joy. We were back to throwing the Frisbee and snuggling like old friends. Then, I came home on Friday looking forward to and in deep need of a restful weekend only to discover that Stax had eaten the internet. This was not his first time to eat the internet either, so measures had previously been taken to ensure that he could no longer reach the cable running to the house. In order to eat the internet this time, he had to some how work around the modified fence placed around the cable and the lawn chair turned upside down and placed against this fence in hopes of discouraging his mighty Labrador nose from butting into any crevices that may eventually open up with consistent nose-prodding and allow him to access the cable with his teeth. Somehow, without disturbing the upside down lawn chair, he managed to find and chew the internet cable.
By now, the true tragedy of this occurrence has probably made its way into your consciousness. No internet means no Netflix and chill. No Netflix and chill while I am battling illness and have weekend plans that revolve entirely around pajamas and movies. I made it through part of the weekend by viewing May Lee’s selections of Brave, Strawberry Shortcake, and Madagascar 2. When that got old, which happened quickly, we made a trip to the library where I stocked up on books to tide me over in the absence of internet access. The tales of the Kennedy men kept me entertained the rest of the weekend.
You may think that since the dog was in major trouble that the cat would have again taken the opportunity to secure her place as “the good child”, if only temporarily. Instead, she saw what the dog had done and raised the angry owner factor to the next level. She took a golden opportunity and quite literally pooped on it, and that was only after she was done urinating on it. And by it, I mean my bedding while I was happily sleeping underneath it.
At this point, I’m not really concerned about the fact that the geriatric cat may have finally lost her final marble. As far as I’m concerned, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
Y’all pray for this cat. She needs deliverance. Deliverance and a new home, preferably in heaven….if she can get in the gate.