It strikes me, as I stare into my closet, that my wardrobe is one of those ridiculously complicated and impossible to solve word problems.

It goes something like this:

Q- Your closet contains 6 consecutive sizes of clothes. You begin training for a half marathon and drop a few pounds. The largest 3 sizes do not fit and threaten an imminent and embarrassing wardrobe malfunction. The smallest 3 sizes are painfully tight and restrict all ability to breathe. What size clothes do you actually wear?

A- The size you actually wear does not exist in reality. Your options are as follows: Yoga pants and other athletic clothing options, pants with elastic or drawstring waistbands, and belts.

Vanity sizing is dumb.

Fix it, Jesus.